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Lockdown Farm

Nigel MacDonald, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night but was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes. He lurched his way up to bed in the farmhouse where his wife Angela was already snoring.

As soon as the light in the bedroom went out the animals gathered to be addressed by the famous breeding Wessex Saddleback hog, Major. He declared that the Union of four farms - Manor, County, Croft and Castle - had finally left the Regional Cooperative and that they were now in control of their own affairs.  Manor was actually the only Union farm which had voted, albeit marginally, in favour of Nigel’s independence vision.  Croft preferred the Cooperative to the Union, and County was distracted by a long-running dispute with its landlord. It was not clear what Castle wanted because they liked to speak a language which was not taught in many schools, and not those that were used by the pigs.

Major assured the meeting that the new prime boar, Napoleon, would lead them all to a prosperous future. Napoleon, who boasted the family motto parsimonius in veritatem, was rumoured to be an even more prolific breeder than Major.

Squealer, Napoleon’s right-trotter porker, advised that any residual affection for the Cooperative would disappear if he got his “messaging” right (and also made good use of the abattoir).  For a few weeks most things went to Napoleon’s plan. His main rival for leadership, Snowball, dutifully trotted out Squealer’s messages. Animals who made loud objections were injected with sedative by the vet.
 
News then came from distant farms that there was a new disease which was killing large numbers of elderly animals, especially those in poor health. Initially, Napoleon ignored these reports. In private, he pointed out to Snowball that losing unproductive and old animals would undoubtedly give a much-needed boost to the farms’ productivity figures. Squealer said that they should keep this thought to themselves but that they should publicly advise good hygienic practices so that they could be seen to be taking some action.
 
It soon became clear that the disease was continuing to spread at an alarming rate and Napoleon decided that the Union had to follow the example of other farms and go into what Squealer called “lockdown”. Snowball pointed out that “lockdown” was a word invented for use in prisons and that even prisoners had rights to exercise in the fresh air every day. He was told, very sharply, to keep quiet. Squealer also proposed three Rules:
1 - Stay At Home
2 - Save The Vets
3 - Save Lives.    
Napoleon welcomed this idea and called a General Assembly Of Livestock to announce lockdown and the Rules.

There were immediately a lot of grumbles about Rule 1. The County hens insisted that they were ‘free-range’. The Croft cows needed to go to the milking parlour twice a day. The Castle sheep claimed that they were at home anywhere with grass. Mollie, an alpaca, observed that her home was a foreign farm.

Rule 2 was uncontroversial (and it conveniently disguised years of pig hostility to the very vets who were now so badly needed). The noise when the abattoir lorry came to the farm was evidence of strong support for Rule 3.  Surprisingly, nobody asked why this was not the only Rule needed.

Napoleon abruptly dismissed all objections to the Rules and said that only ESSENTIAL animal movements were to be allowed. Animals with more than one home, like many pigs, must stay in their first home.

The pigs didn’t realise that they were just as vulnerable to the disease as other animals.  Several became ill and Napoleon himself required intensive care from vets from overseas farms but he quickly convalesced in one of his spare houses.

Most animals noticed that the piglets interpreted the Rules differently in different areas. Minimus, the licenced pig poet, who had a way with words, suggested that some journeys were more essential than others. Squealer was delighted with this concept and started to use it in his messaging.

For many animals Rule 1 was extremely inconvenient and it clearly caused a lot of hardship. After a month Squealer observed that the vets were frequently applauded but the pigs were increasingly being referred to as swine. Consequently he persuaded Napoleon to end or “ease” lockdown and to update the Rules.
Rule 1 became ‘Stay Alert’ and Rule 2 ‘Control the Virus’.
When Napoleon announced these updates to Manor animals, Mollie asked if she was “a lurt”, and Boxer, the cart horse said that when he was under control he could stop moving as soon as he was told to do so. Why didn’t Napoleon tell the virus to stop?.

Napoleon had not discussed the ending of lockdown with anybody outside the Manor and when the new Rules reached the other Union farms, the animals were very angry. They all refused to change their own procedures because they were advised that it was unsafe to do so.

Muriel, the wise young goat at Croft, smiled to herself and set up a Zoom meeting with the brassica purveyors to discuss the climate. Perhaps?

 

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